larger than life

Everything I do is larger than life: the way I think, the way I act, what I expect... I live beyond my means. (not speaking financially... although sometimes that may be true).  I just have these huge expectations for life. Unrealistic... prolly because I'm unrealistic.  I have the romanticized view of what I think life should be like. Maybe I've seen too many musicals or read too many books... whatever the case may be, I have an idea (almost like a script) of what should be happening day by day.


When I was a teacher, I thought I had everything figured out... concerning classroom management.  I had my students trained down to the smallest detail.  Except for one thing... sharpening pencils.  This is not something I ever talked about.  Never explained a procedure, didn't include it on the syllabus.  But it's something that I had a clear expectation as to what I wanted.  There is an appropriate time to sharpen your pencil.  And that was all I said.  One day in April, over half way through the year I FREAKED OUT on an unsuspecting freshman.  I was giving instructions on a project and she just got right up and started to sharpen as I was talking.  All I could think was "the nerve of this little girl! doesn't she see that I am talking and that she is being SO RUDE"  So I did what any teacher would do, I sent her out into the hallway and really gave her a piece of my mind.  I made her cry, even.  And when I asked her why she thought I got so upset, she replied as she wiped away the tears from her face, "I didn't know."  And I just sat there, flabbergasted.  She didn't know?  How is this possible?  And it took me almost a week to realize that I had never been clear as to what I expected from them in this regard.  And it has taken me a lifetime to realize that that wasn't the first time nor will it be the last that I will not be explicit with my expectations. 


Honestly, I'm not usually clear to what I want in any regard.  I just assume people to do "the right thing."  What is the right thing?  


I'm gonna do me.  You go on and do you.  Hopefully we meet somewhere in the middle. 


I hate compromising. hahaha


seriously, though. I do. :)