eyes to the sky

I was in bed, eyes to the sky, 

tears on my face and I thought about 

everything, everything, everything, everything. 

Grey skies ahead, 

God knows I've tried to look away and forget about 

everything, everything, everything, everything.

And the light of the moon seems to darken and the rays from the sun aren't as bright,

I need a sign that I've not lost my mind,

How did I lose my way, what have I become...
Am I running to you or just running away from
everything,

everything, 

everything, 

everything, 

everything, 

everything, 

everything, 

everything.

(Eyes to The Sky - The Foreign Exchange)

larger than life

Everything I do is larger than life: the way I think, the way I act, what I expect... I live beyond my means. (not speaking financially... although sometimes that may be true).  I just have these huge expectations for life. Unrealistic... prolly because I'm unrealistic.  I have the romanticized view of what I think life should be like. Maybe I've seen too many musicals or read too many books... whatever the case may be, I have an idea (almost like a script) of what should be happening day by day.


When I was a teacher, I thought I had everything figured out... concerning classroom management.  I had my students trained down to the smallest detail.  Except for one thing... sharpening pencils.  This is not something I ever talked about.  Never explained a procedure, didn't include it on the syllabus.  But it's something that I had a clear expectation as to what I wanted.  There is an appropriate time to sharpen your pencil.  And that was all I said.  One day in April, over half way through the year I FREAKED OUT on an unsuspecting freshman.  I was giving instructions on a project and she just got right up and started to sharpen as I was talking.  All I could think was "the nerve of this little girl! doesn't she see that I am talking and that she is being SO RUDE"  So I did what any teacher would do, I sent her out into the hallway and really gave her a piece of my mind.  I made her cry, even.  And when I asked her why she thought I got so upset, she replied as she wiped away the tears from her face, "I didn't know."  And I just sat there, flabbergasted.  She didn't know?  How is this possible?  And it took me almost a week to realize that I had never been clear as to what I expected from them in this regard.  And it has taken me a lifetime to realize that that wasn't the first time nor will it be the last that I will not be explicit with my expectations. 


Honestly, I'm not usually clear to what I want in any regard.  I just assume people to do "the right thing."  What is the right thing?  


I'm gonna do me.  You go on and do you.  Hopefully we meet somewhere in the middle. 


I hate compromising. hahaha


seriously, though. I do. :)