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28 September 2010
26 September 2010
unattainable
this is a word that for me, never existed in my vocabulary. but lately I find myself using this word for so many reasons and in so many aspects of my life. I have always had drive and said corny things like "when there's a will, there's a way..." and it's funny because I hear those words, and I know:
I have the will... but sometimes there truly is no way.
I'm not a pessimist... but lately I have given up the world of fantasy and tuned into the world of reality. I kinda feel like I'm losing a piece of me. But I could no longer be blinded by hope. That sounds mad depressing... and it is. Part of what I used to think made me so unique was the ability to always see the silver lining, to always see the good, to always have faith. This isn't really about faith, or even why things happen. To me this is about outcomes. I no longer believe that everything will "work itself out" shit doesn't work out all the time. win some, lose more.
another word I find myself using and I hope I choke on my words is... settling.
Jesus Christ, me, Rosisella Villegas, is ok with things?? never me! a person who had convictions so deep that she has stood up to people who were merely ok with the status quo is now "ok" with certain aspects of my life. and why I'm ok and not striving for more... is partly due to this newfound grasp of reality.
"I guess I'm ok with it" I hate that word. Ok. what does ok even mean? where did we get it from? ok in spanish "esta bien" means it's good. but ok is not good. it's better than nothing. it's as good as it'll get. it's decent. it's doable. but it's not good.
settling. (even typing it send shivers down my spine!)
but in all of this depressing talk of not having what you want... I'm ok with where some things are. there are always reasons for why things don't work out as we would like. I guess my goal is not to be ok with what I have, but knowing and ACCEPTING I have done what I can do. and if it's still unattainable then it's just that. I can only do me.
I'm so dramatic. :)
I have the will... but sometimes there truly is no way.
I'm not a pessimist... but lately I have given up the world of fantasy and tuned into the world of reality. I kinda feel like I'm losing a piece of me. But I could no longer be blinded by hope. That sounds mad depressing... and it is. Part of what I used to think made me so unique was the ability to always see the silver lining, to always see the good, to always have faith. This isn't really about faith, or even why things happen. To me this is about outcomes. I no longer believe that everything will "work itself out" shit doesn't work out all the time. win some, lose more.
another word I find myself using and I hope I choke on my words is... settling.
Jesus Christ, me, Rosisella Villegas, is ok with things?? never me! a person who had convictions so deep that she has stood up to people who were merely ok with the status quo is now "ok" with certain aspects of my life. and why I'm ok and not striving for more... is partly due to this newfound grasp of reality.
"I guess I'm ok with it" I hate that word. Ok. what does ok even mean? where did we get it from? ok in spanish "esta bien" means it's good. but ok is not good. it's better than nothing. it's as good as it'll get. it's decent. it's doable. but it's not good.
settling. (even typing it send shivers down my spine!)
but in all of this depressing talk of not having what you want... I'm ok with where some things are. there are always reasons for why things don't work out as we would like. I guess my goal is not to be ok with what I have, but knowing and ACCEPTING I have done what I can do. and if it's still unattainable then it's just that. I can only do me.
I'm so dramatic. :)
22 September 2010
The Rose That Grew From Concrete
Did you hear about the Rose that grew from a crack
in the concrete?
Proving nature's laws are wrong it learned to walk
without having feet.
Funny it seems but by keeping its dreams
it learned to breathe fresh air
Long live the rose that grew from concrete
when no one else even cared!
03 September 2010
moments of reflection
life is a cluster of moments. moments of happiness, moments of sadness, moments of solitude, moments of reflection. each moment has value. it validates our existence for that moment in time.
my moment today is that of happiness and fulfillment. :)
sometimes I get caught up in the chaos that can be my environment and I forget to just reflect on the blessings that I am surrounded with. as a person who is overly optimistic all the time and whose glass is always half full, I feel like I've been in such a negative slump. I don't like that about me. I'm glad that today I took the time to remember how lucky I truly am.
peace and love.
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